Bart Simpson: "Do people respect God? No, they fear him." God: "It's never personal, just business."

Homer Simpson: "Um, if you pray during lunch, aren't you interrupting God's lunch?" God: "Finally, someone thinks about God."

"His aunt Louisa asked him if he had made peace with God, and he replied, 'I did not know we had ever quarreled'."

On the death and dying of Henry David Thoreau.

"Aw Christ Sue, what does a priest know about marriage? He's married to God. God's invisible and He's happy as long as you show up once a week to eat his son."

"The only invisible killer I believe in is God."

"...God never lets the devil steal the show."

"It seemed better that there be no God than a God that I could only hate."

"The saying that god created man in his own image is half right, they just got the order of who created who backwards."

"When you do things right, people won't be sure if you've done anything at all."

"God does not play dice with the universe."

"God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically."

"God is subtle but he is not malicious."

"I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."

"I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."

"Every sperm is sacred! Every sperm is great! If a sperm is wasted, God is quite irate."