"Someone once told me that I must have been a dog in a former life because I like trees so much."

"The only thing in life that is carved in granite is your headstone -- if you can afford one."

"We all live downwind and we all live downstream."

"Think globally -- act locally."

"I've seen the future -- HA -- I can't afford it."

"Life sucks order from a sea of disorder."

"The only person you can control is you."

"Life's a bitch and then you die."

"Reality is overrated."

"The truly courageous person looks adversity in the eye -- and spits in it's face."

"Even a rock will crumble, if you strike it night and day."

"If anyone ever tells you there is justice in this world -- they are lying."

"If we knew what our futures held, we might not want to go there."

"Never give a gun to ducks."

"If you ain't where you are, you're no place."

"ALWAYS have a plan 'B'."

"You love her, but she loves him, and he loves somebody else, you just can't win."

"It's hard to believe we need this place called hell."

"Every once in a while I like to look up and smile for a satellite picture."

"Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?"

"It's ironic that none of us will ever actually see our own faces considering the amount of time that we spend looking at reflections or images of them."

"When a friend asked me how I could I sleep at night having to pay such a large mortgage note. I said, 'It's easy, sleeping is the only thing I can afford to do.' "

"Dancing is usually just an excuse to grope a stranger in the dark."

"One way to assure someone's cooperation, is to prove to them you don't need it."

"I can't get no satisfaction."

"It's good to be at the top of the food chain."

"Protect the right to arm bears."

"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane."

"Gravity -- it's not just a good idea -- it's the law."

"40 isn't old -- if you're a tree."

"You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friends nose."

"You can't always get what you want."

"I'd prefer a bottle in front of me to a frontal lobotomy."

"If right-handed people are dominated by their left brains and left-handed people are dominated by their right brains, then left-handers are in their right minds. Right?"

Q: "Why point out the obvious." A: "Because it isn't always obvious to everyone."

"When you're down there's just one way to go."

"When you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose."

"Without your mind and your body you are just empty space."

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

"An intelligent man does not learn to store information, but how to find it."

"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."

"Of all the things I've lost -- I miss my mind the most."

"A sane man in an insane world must appear insane."

Q: "If you could have only one book, which one would it be?" A: "The Dictionary -- I figure all the other books are in there."

"Women who are ugly in the dark do not improve under better lighting."

"Life is the opposite of driving without a rear-view mirror - you know exactly where you've been, you just don't know where the hell you're going."

"When I have the time, I don't have the money - and when I have the money - I don't have the time."

"There is nothing as liberating as pure and total desperation."