First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."

"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to."

"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up."

"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once..."

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me."

"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?"

"Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them."

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."

"After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together."

"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."