"The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything."

"If someone asks you if you are a god -- you say yes!"

"Only a mediocre person is always at his best."

"The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie --

--through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge."

"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. --

--Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. --

-- He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly --

-- submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."

"The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. --

-- If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."

"Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics --

--are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever."

"My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to --

-- perceive with our frail and feeble mind."

"No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics --

-- so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"

"Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"

"Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves."

"The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead."

"In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep."

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."

"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

"If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."

"Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity."

"Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."

"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible."

"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."

"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."

"The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking."

"God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically."

"The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."

"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."

"Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it."

"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

"Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."

"Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."

"The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."

"I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."

"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."

"God is subtle but he is not malicious."

"I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."

"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."

"The only real valuable thing is intuition."

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."

"I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage --

-- to move in the opposite direction."

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts."

(Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)

"When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the perfect woman. Well I found her -- but, alas, she was waiting for the perfect man."

"Lend me some sugar -- I am your neighbor."

"When you say 'far be it from you to criticize', I know you be real close to criticizin."

"It's not hard to scare people, but it's extremely difficult to unscare them."

"Life is like eating artichokes, you have to go through so much to get so little."

"When scientifically investigating the natural world, the only thing worse than a blind believer is a seeing denier."

"I always have a quotation for everything -- it saves original thinking."

"If I'd asked people what they wanted, they would have said a faster horse."

"After the laws of physics, everything else is opinion."

"Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right."

"I don't have to know anything anymore because the Internet knows everything now."

"Maybe being a bleeding heart is always better than having no heart at all."

"It seems that today stop-and-go driving is more stop than go."

"Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat."

"The last quarter mile of any trail is always the cruelest."

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."

"What we think, we become."

"Don't act so humble - you're not that great."

"Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?"

"Our lives are frittered away by detail; simplify, simplify."

"What a computer is to me is it's the most remarkable tool that we've ever come up with, and it's the equivalent of a bicycle for our minds."

"If you're not prepared to be wrong, you'll never come up with anything original."

"When forced to work within a strict framework the imagination is taxed to its utmost - and will produce its richest ideas. Given total freedom the wo

Whoops - lost some of this one. Will fix if I can find it again. - Ed.

"Such power there is in clear-eyed self-restraint."

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."

"Computers are useless for they can only give answers."

"If you want to feel young, hang out with old people. If you want to feel old, hang out with young people."

"Why are they called trailers if they are at the beginning of the movie?"

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."

"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to."

"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up."

"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once..."

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me."

"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?"

"Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them."

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."

"After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together."

"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."

"Only the good die young."

In memory of Gene Bates. My good friend who left us way too soon.

"When someone tells me something is free I ask them who is paying for it."

"When someone tells me something is free I ask them how much it's going to cost me."

"Right is still right even if nobody's doing it and wrong is still wrong even if everybody's doing it."

"Every sperm is sacred! Every sperm is great! If a sperm is wasted, God is quite irate."

"If you cannot measure it, you cannot improve it."

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."

"Half a mind is better than no mind at all."

"Ignorance is bliss."

"I know people in high places. Unfortunately, they don't know me."

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone."

"And though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea."